Never Can Say Goodbye

Candice Gaukel Andrews August 30, 2010 7

There were 30 or more fish-focused bears at Brooks Falls. ©Candice Gaukel Andrews

That first ember of excitement you feel burning inside from the moment you decide it’s time for a new adventure is an invigorating feeling. From the initial destination-dreaming phase to signing the trip form’s bottom line, you can sense the flames of positive energy building. You start to prepare yourself by reading about and researching the places and wildlife you’ll be experiencing. You happily anticipate the departure date, thrill on the day you actually embark, and are absolutely exhilarated on Day One of the tour.

But at some point during your trip-of-a-lifetime, you realize that the thing you so eagerly awaited for months—sometimes years—will soon be ending. Inevitably, sadness sets in. For some, it comes upon arriving back home and first stepping foot in the front door. For me, it comes much earlier than that: it hits smack-dab in the middle of the adventure. 

Farewell, new world

“Porch talks” are part of every great trip. ©John T. Andrews

Saying goodbye to a place we’ve come to love during our travels and letting go of it might be the hardest thing a nature traveler has to do—probably because we go to some of the most beautiful spots on Earth.

A few years ago, on a trip to Alaska, a place I had dreamed about seeing from the age of four years on, I was overwhelmed with the sadness of knowing my time there would soon be ending—after just seven days of a 14-day tour. Sitting on the porch steps of my cabin at Brooks Falls on a Sunday afternoon, I suddenly felt a wave of depression wash over me. I think it gave my heart a drenching because earlier that morning a small group of us had taken a hike to the platforms at the falls to see the grizzlies fishing. The hours there had been spectacular: it was one of those perfect Alaskan summer days of warmth without humidity. The rising sun had made the clear water sparkle, as if it was infused with small diamonds. The only sounds were that of the falling water and the occasional splashes and vocalizations of fish-focused bears—at least 30 of them. I felt like I was looking through a window to a different world; glimpsing one only a few privileged people get to see.

Then, on that porch a few hours later, I realized that this world—or planet or alternate universe—was soon going to be lost to me forever. In a few days, I’d be in another realm, the one out there. I’d be on several planes in several crowded, noisy airports. I would have to return to a world the grizzlies knew nothing about. It wasn’t that these two worlds collided in my mind; heck, they never even brushed up against each other. An incredible melancholy took over, and I still had half of my trip to go.

“I wish I had a river I could skate away on,” sings Joni Mitchell in “River.” ©John T. Andrews

When a few of my fellow travelers and our guide joined me on the porch a half hour later, I brought up the topic of travelers feeling sad at the thought of leaving a place—before they’ve even left it. Our guide had fun with the contradiction in that, and he broke into huge sobs of pretend-crying. I got the point; it did seem silly to be sad while you were having the best time of your life. And long, protracted farewells may only make the actual physical act of leaving harder. In my defense, however, I knew that the guide would be back at Brooks Falls in two weeks, with a new group of people on another glorious trip.

The literature of leaving

If leaving a place we love is so hard, you may ask, then why isn’t it tough to leave home in the first place? I think the answer is because you know home is a place you’ll return to. I’ll probably never see the bears and Alaska again, and therein lies the sadness.

It’s been noted by several writers that while there are tons of books about going to exotic locations, there are very few on leaving them. It seems that here’s where stories “leave” off and songs take over. One of my favorite songs, in fact, is about leaving: Joni Mitchell’s River. It is another of her songs, however, that most think of as the essential “leaving” song: Urge for Going. In fact, some have even suggested that Canadians, such as Mitchell, have the “cultural edge on farewells.”

I don’t know if it’s due to my being an American and thus steeped in its culture that makes it hard for me to say goodbye, or whether it’s just on account of my personal tendency to want to hang on to those things that seem so capable of being lost forever.

A place where dozens of grizzly bears can fish in peace in a sparkling river certainly fits that bill.

Did you ever have a hard time saying goodbye to a special place? How do you separate from the places you love?

Here’s to finding your true places and natural habitats,



  1. Carlyn Kline September 1, 2010 at 2:25 pm - Reply

    I have never been on a trip that I was ready to come home from. My family will attest that I gave “tree-hugger” a whole new meaning, as they would pry me loose at the end of our backpacking trips, which fulfilled my Walter Mitty dreams of being outdoors 24/7.
    All of our other travels have also been sources of great pleasure: seeing and learning about new places or revisiting old favorites, reuniting with old friends and making new ones, finding quiet places to simply enjoy the beauty and the silence. Why would I want any of this to end? Sadness is the natural response to knowing that it must.

  2. Pat Marron September 1, 2010 at 5:44 am - Reply

    I have found that the melancholy hits me on the next to last day of a trip. In my mind I revisit my journey and feel sad that it will be ending the next day. It happens every time. But I now look on that as a sign that I have experienced something very special that I am hesitant to give up, even though I know I have to go back home–and prepare for the next adventure.

  3. Barbara Bunce Desmeules August 31, 2010 at 5:47 pm - Reply

    I know the feeling, especially when I have made friends in a place that I love.

  4. NineQuietLessons August 31, 2010 at 12:47 pm - Reply

    Usually, no matter where I go, I can’t wait to get back home after a few days…maybe this article doesn’t apply to me.

  5. Leila A. August 31, 2010 at 8:31 am - Reply

    Describes the way I feel about travel to the T!

  6. Jack August 30, 2010 at 12:17 pm - Reply

    I never really feel any better until I plan the next trip…

    • Laurence August 30, 2010 at 9:35 pm - Reply

      Jack – my wife and I are the same, in fact we often start discussing the next trip half way through the current one, I suppose as a coping mechanism.

      We are in the Canadian Rockies right now, and started talking about a possible Natural Habitat trip next…..

      Nice article – thanks for taking the time and emotions to share.

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